They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
pray to the hookup gods
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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