He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
