...so i touched it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
