So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
