is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
