I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
