Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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