I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
