how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
