he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
