Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
