I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
