I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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