so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
