that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
