I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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