Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
