the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
