did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
