I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
