god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize