Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
