at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Are we still banned from the library?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize