New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
