You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
