my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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