i may or may not be watching the land before time
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize