I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
