Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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