He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
