its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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