i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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