Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
