Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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