I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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