cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
