suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize