The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
