Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
