I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
