Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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