I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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