Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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