Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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