Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
