do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
