I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
