If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
