You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
