happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
