i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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