I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She needs sedatives and a leash
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
