i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
