Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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