I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
