Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
