Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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