when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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