Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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