I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
