I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have post one night stand depression
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
