Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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