My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize