your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
