Welp...herpes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
