would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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