OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize