i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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