hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
